Day Two
30th Sept 2009
Sunny
My heart is dead.
So is my blog.
Since the day you left me,
I was shattered.
Cause what you heard isn't true at all.
I can swear upon my whole family.
BUT
I know, you lost faith in me.
Lost trust.
Choose to believe them than in me.
I am super devastated.
I wish I was given a second chance.
Cause I am really innocent.
Everything was a misunderstanding.
I don't want to loose you just like that.
Putting on a strong front in front of you.
Just for the sake of it.
I felt damm wasted.
Why is this happening to me?
I was the most fortunate girl in the world.
Now?
Fuck you people who miscomprehended the whole fucking story and started to spread all these rumors.
It is you people who caused me to loose him.
Are you people happy now?
That I am suffering like hell.
He is really my everything.
Do you people know that my O's are just around the corner?
Do you people know how much he meant to me?
Do you people know now there is changes at home?
Why you people like to put your own happiness onto other's misery?
Is it that my whole world crumbles than you people will be happy and stop everything?
This isnt a show.
I really love him alot.
I will prove it to him by waiting for him.
Yes, I might not be as good as his ex.
Always getting information about him at first hand notice.
BUT
I have a heart which is loving him wholeheartedly since 23rd August 2009.
Till now, it is still beating for him.
If fate and destiny allows, bring him back to me.
Cause my life really sucked without him.
Every single little thing I do reminds me of him.
I didn't once did anything to hurt him deeply.
I didn't betray him.
I don't know what I did that I had to suffer all these shit.
I hate waking up in the morning knowing that i miss him truckloads yet I can't do anything.
Love isn't bullshit.
Not all girls are cb!
I am different.
Maybe I used to be one.
BUT
Since the day I know him,
I am changed person.
Why I have to loose the one I love the most in life other than my family for sucha reason?
Dear God,
Why is this happening to me?
I've changed.
Why are you putting me through misery again?
Do you know now I have so many things to fear?
I really dread of the day he had a change of heart.
I really love him alot.
Too much to loose him.
Fuck everything now.
I just can't accept the fact he isn't mine anymore.
What can I do now?
I am super worried about him.
I really hope god will give him the ability and strength to get the best things out of life.
I really hope god will give him the ability and strength to believe in me.
I really hope god will tell him, he actually misunderstood me.
Cause whatever we people are doing.
You, god knows about our actions vividly.
I wanna prove to him, I ain't like what those girls told him about me.
I am a good girl.
I don't phunk with guys heart.
My love for him is real.
All the friends around me can feel that.
BUT
Why the main male lead just can't feel that?
I miss him so much.
I love him more than words could said.
This ain't a show, it's reality.
If can, please don't give up on me and love.
I beg you, don't give up on me and love.
I will prove to you my innocence, my love and I am worth a second chance.
Wei shen me xing fu shi ni ren xin li qu?
Wei shen me nian fen kai dou yao qian jiu ni?
Ai hui yong yuan yong yuan ni shuo de, li kai wo de shi hou yi dian ye she bu de.
I really need you in my life.
Does ZY miss me like I do?
Does ZY still love me like I do?
Is ZY still trying to salvage our r/s like what I am doing?
I really dont want this love to go down the drain just like that.
It isn't worth it.
We should even end it.
Cause I really didnt do the things that was rumored.
Did I loose the ability to make ZY touched?
Is it ZY had given up on me totally?
Is it whatever I do I can't make ZY to be mine again?
I really fear that I've lost that ability.
ZY means really alot to me.
Seeing him in this state now.
It hurts me so badly.
On top of it, the hurt from the break up.
I really dont want to loose him so badly.
I really wish we can be like Chang Zai Xin and Alfred minus-ing the part Alfred died.
Sigh!
I pray hard that he doesn't visit my blog anymore
Cause I know he will be irritated if he see such long posts again.
BUT
This is my space, this is the only space whereby I can let my feelings out.
I am just venting and ranting.
Blogging and crying at the same time seems to be my fav. activity now.
I just feel so terrible lah.
