Today I have decided to leave ZY alone till O's are over. So from today onwards, it will just be our one text per day deal. Though, I will still text him at times to shower him with care and concern. Not forgetting, love. It was really a very tough decision to make but still I did it. I am taking the risk cause I love him alot. In fact, even more than I thought I did. Anyway, ZY just called me. Asking me whether I was alright. Told him my first lie. I wasn't alright. I wanted to tell him I needed him so badly but since I have decided to leave him alone till O's are over. I have to do this. Sorry ZY. I know you will understand. Changes at home, I have to adapt. Being the eldest sucks. Cause if anything happens to the family, is the eldest who is the one who feel the most. After what had happened at home, suddenly, a thought came into my mind. Is ZY feeling the same way too? Being the eldest too. Suffering everything. Even though our parents may say that they do not need us to worry or share their burden with them but we as the eldest, somehow, we really feel like helping the family out. I was kind of hurt when I actually heard ZY saying good. When he was surprised that I didn't pester to chat awhile longer with him on the phone which I will usually do. I really wanted to spend alittle more time with him cause chatting with him is like having him by my side but like I said, since I have decided to leave him alone till O's, I have to do this. Yes, it is hard on me but to me, it is all worth it. If I really can keep him by my side after one month+. Everything is worth it. I choose to believe that between us there is still a glimmer of hope. Honestly, it is real hard to fake a smile telling everyone you are okay but actually you are not. I guess, I always learn things the hard way. I really miss ZY. I miss everything about him. It's only day one. No, in fact, day 5 to be exact. I believe everything he is doing now. He has his reasons. I was bruised and battered by him actually. He said there isn't a need to discuss with me over such an important stuff. He doesnt want to talk to me. He has nothing to talk to me. Other stuff seems to take over my position in his heart. His reply is all in one word form. The way he reply me hurts me alot as in the content plus the form. Despite all the hurt, I don't mind going through this cause I really love him alot.

/Edited
He told me his reasons. He wanted a break up. I agreed reluctantly. I really wish he could be mine again. Cause I really did nothing wrong. He told me love was bullshit. He told me all girls are cheebyes. He said I made him felt this way. I really did nothing. I hope he believes in me. He changed his fb pw. I was sad in a way. I felt this time he is really gone. Gone to a very far away place. I tried to hold back my tears but I just couldn't do so. I felt I lost him for something which I never did. This is so hard on me. If I did something wrong, I would be speechless but in actual fact, I did nothing. It is so hard to find a person with so many things in common with you. I found the person, I treasured him but I loose him for something which I didnt did but I understand how he feels totally. I really wish one day he can swallow this down and accept me again. Cause I am really innocent. I really did nothing. Everything towards him, I give him my 101%. I put in my heart and soul in him yet . . . Sigh. I want my silly boy back. Now you're gone, I feel so empty. I have lost my soul and heart. Please don't give up on me cause I really love you alot. Don't doubt me. I will prove to you. I really will.