Perhaps, it could be PMS but I doubt so.
Today Baby had half day off camp so I went over to his place to accompany him.
I guess I saw something that I shouldn't see or didn't want to see.
I was trying to be an understanding girlfriend thus I told him a white lie.
Somehow, my mood was affected by it.
Hmm, actually not only it and some other stuffs too.
I tried my best to keep everything specially that particular thing out of my sight but I failed.
I dont want to be a selfish girlfriend and moreover, it's memories but somehow I feel uneasy still.
Plus, I was chatting with Jenny over msn and I felt it even more when she was telling about her own love issues. (Something similar)
This feeling really sucks.
No matter how hard I tried to suppress that fucking feeling.
It just won't go away.
At that moment, I really wish I was a guy.
Really.
Why can't girls be like guys?
Why must they always get jealous over such trivial stuff.
They can keep their ex-s stuff but their boyfriend can't.
It's like so unfair to the guy.
I don't want to make a fuss out of it but I know when the next time I visit his place, I would be sad once again.
I wanted to ask him to keep them away but I know if I knew he keep it away, I would also be unhappy.
My heart wants him to throw them away but I will feel fucking bad and unreasonable to ask him to do so.
I wanted to tell him how I feel by texting him but I know he sure tell me that he would throw them away but he might keep them away and if I found out that he keep them away cause he still treasure them, I will feel super unhappy and sad. And if he threw those stuff without my presence, I would still feel paranoid and have this feeling that he is keeping those stuff still.
It's not that I don't trust him.
The one that I do not have any trust in is myself.
Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just feel so sucky.
I dont know what the fuck to do.
He did so much for me and I should be understanding and not make a fuss over such a trivial issue cause this is nothing compare to everything he did for me but but but I just can't suppress my feelings.
AND
The english O level oral which I had yesterday made things even sucky.
As I screwed quite a few parts of it and I am really disappointed in myself for not being able to achieve a distinction for oral.
Life's sucha bitch.
Aye, no no no.
It should be Sheena's sucha btich (:
I wish I was a better person.
I wish I was a guy.
I wish my heart is numb so I wouldn't feel anything.
I wish, I wish.
Sigh ):
